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bipolarlifeandme

Talking about Mental illness to the young

Mental illness is still not talked about enough and as some one who has mental health disorders, I feel it is only right I speak openly about it, so people have a better understanding of what it is like. I also think it is very important that mental health awareness is taught in school, spoke about at home to young people, so they can spot the signs and reach out if they need to for help.

I never felt like I really fitted in at school.. I wasn’t a popular teenager but neither was I alone, but I always felt different. Inside I would feel on edge all the time. My stomach would be in knots worrying about what other people thought of me at school and I never felt good enough. The depression weighed heavy on my heart and I would have sleepless nights, with endless thoughts of negative scenarios running through my mind. I had crippling anxiety that I tried to hide and the majority of the time I just wanted to blend into the background.

While low and anxious I wouldn’t relax, I took my lessons far too serious and was often told to lighten up..I just didn’t know how to, that was until I became hyper from my bipolar (without even realizing that’s what was happening) I became overly confident, my introverted days were a thing of the past and I felt wonderful. I was disruptive in lessons, spoke back to the teachers and picked arguments with other people at school. My family seen me as a ‘rebel’ and I wasn’t a very nice person at the time to be around…

But, it wasn’t me. It was the mental illness, the chemical imbalance in my brain, the mood swings I wasn’t aware of and certainly had no control over.

I believe if young people in comprehensive schools were taught of such mental health disorders it would have such a positive impact on their future life’s. With 1 in 4 people being diagnosed with depression, it is crucial that they are provided with valuable information on mental health awareness, so they don’t feel alone if they feel they are suffering. So they can feel empathy for the person sitting next to them in class who doesn’t seem OK. So they can spot symptoms and not feel ashamed or different. So they can seek help from a family member, teacher, friend or gp and nip it in the bud before it gets any worse.

I feel I am one of the lucky one’s getting a diagnosis so early on in life, that I can manage my bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder the best way I know how.. but thinking of the future generations I want them also to be able to recognise when something is wrong. To take the necessary steps so they can go on to lead their life how they want to and not let a mental disorder have a big hold over them. Instead they can take control of the mental illness because they would have been told how to. They would have relapse signatures written down and coping strategies put in place so they too can manage a mental disorder the best way they know how.

#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #bipolar #anxiety

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What do you see in my hand?

What do you see in my hand, Look close. Do you see four tablets? Maybe four lilac colour tablets? Do you wonder what they are or what they are suppose to do or why I even ask what you see.. when clearly it is quite obvious.. Or is it?

In my hand I hold four lilac colour tablets called Epilim (Sodium Valporate) it can be used for people with epilepsy and also for people who have Bipolar Disorder.

I take four of these every night for my Bipolar Disorder. They act as a mood stabilzer and for me they work a treat! They calm my mind and racing thoughts right down (most of the time) and help me unwind.

What I see when I look in my hand is more than just four tablets..

I see a stable, young woman who hasn’t had a full blown manic episode since she was 17 (1st diagnosed). Who has fought her way through life the best she can and remained out of hospital since. I see someone who is not ashamed of her mental illness or the medication she chooses to take for it to help keep her well. I see a happy go lucky kinda gal.. who yes, will always have anxiety.. But.. trys her damn best to not let it get in the way of day to day life. I see a person who learnt early on in life the meaning of empathy, individuality and openmindedness.. I see me.

This blog is not to come across as self-righteous but more the awareness of self-acceptance.

These purple pills are more than just purple pills you see.. they have given me back my life and for that I am forever greatful.. 17 years on πŸ’™

Being 33.. Turning 34

Birthday in 9 days so reflecting on the past year.. Overall it has been a really really positive year. Gained a few lbs from comfort eating after being headbutted but apart from that I can’t fault being 33 😁 Confidence is growing steadily and anxiety on the whole hasn’t given me too much of a hard time.

Highlights of this year.. Without a doubt Matilda the musical!! Just amazing 🎡🎢🀩

Ma’s 60th Birthday Party.. Fabtastic time!! πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

and most importantly.. My sister-in-law and fiance is going to have a baby 🧑 🧑

Worst part of the year.. A thug of a woman getting away with headbutting me.. But I am stronger because of it and she will always be vile.. so looks like I won 😁 πŸ‘Œ

As you get older you defo realise what is more important in life and the things/people that really don’t need you wasting your time over πŸ‘ You see things through fresh eyes and the worrying becomes less, to make room for more positive experiences to fill your time with, with the people who love you 😍 πŸ’–

Bring on becoming 34 and the new adventures and opportunites it will bring πŸ˜πŸ§‘πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘

Sunshine Blogger Award

Happy Monday one and all! I was lucky to be nominated for the Sunshine blogger Award by Amber 😁 Thank you again Hun 🧑 and it has given me the push I need to start blogging again (because I havn’t for a whole year for one reason or another) Anyway here are Amber’s questions that were sent to me and underneath will be another 11 questions for the 11 people I tag and nominate myself for The Sunshine blogger Award πŸ˜€πŸ§‘

Btw.. This is not compulsory and if the nominees do not want to fill in the questions or take part then that is completley fine! Also.. It is not neccessary a Blogger that will be nominated (even though the Award suggests that) This is to people who have made me smile, laugh and understood me in the short time I have been active on twitter 🧑 Anyway… Here we go 😁😁

1. When did you realise that blogging was for you?

It was about 3 years ago, I moved from Wales to England.. Away from everything and everyone I once knew. It gave me time to reflect on my life..and I wanted to share that with others πŸ˜€

2. Did you have any false starts before your blog got up and running?

Ummm…I wouldn’t say a false start as such, but I got abit overwhelmed with the positive response that came from blogging.. to the point were I lost all my content (Deleted it.. thinkingnit wasn’t great, even though people said otherwise).

3. What is one song guaranteed to make you cry?

Hmmm.. Little things by One Direction when my partner sings it to me.. Gets me everytime.. Happy tears of course lol.

4. What is your pet peeve?

When someone shows no manners, you help them and there are no pleases or thank you’s, they just expect!

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?

For some lucky ones I do.. I was lucky enough to fall in love with my man as soon as I saw him (However we had been speaking for a month on the phone before hand.. so the closeness and bond was already there πŸ’—)

6. Every job suddenly pays the same, very comfortable wage. What would yours be?

Tricky one.. I have narrowed it down to 3 lol. Educational Psychologist, Helping out the homeless and Card Making business πŸ˜€ Either one would make me very happy for different reasons.

7. What about blogging most surprised you?

How easy I found it to express my emotions and how my friends and family praised me for how well my blogs were written πŸ˜€

8. Strictly or GBBO? Or neither?

I might give Strictly a go this year but generally I am more of an X Factor and Big Brother viewer πŸ˜€

9. You’re holding a plane ticket (and passport etc) in one hand and a single item in your other hand. What does it say on the ticket?

2 Weeks in Paris πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ’—

10. What’s in your hand?

A ticket for my man for Paris too πŸ’—

11. When does Autumn begin?

For me it has started in my head lol.. I love Autumn hehe, but I am guessing it is around the last week of September πŸ˜€

Really enjoyed answering those questions.. Thank you again Amber πŸ˜€πŸ§‘ Now here are my 11 questions…

1) What is your favourite food dish and why?

2) What made you become a blogger? and if you are not one already, who you ever consider blogging in the future?

3) What are your 3 main hobbies?

4) Do you or would you write about your main hobbies and share your blog to others?

5) There are 3 films on at the cinema.. a Romantic comedy, a Psychological thriller or an Action packed movie.. Which one do you pick?

6) What film is it? (can be new or old)

7) What is (would) be your Fav thing to blog about?

8) How about your worst and why?

9) There is a knock at your front door.. is it A) A takaway delievery B) A friend or family member popping over for a cuppa or C) Taxi guy to drop you off into town for the evening?

10) Your birthday, Hallowen, Bonfire Night, Christmas, New Years, Valentines day, Easter.. Which is your fav and why?

11) Last but not least.. which would you say is your best quality?

Hope you enjoy answering these questions even if you just do it in your head and do not feel like taking part.. it’s all abit of fun πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ§‘

Ema xx

My GAD

In 2002 I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and psychologist as having GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), alongside Bipolar affective disorder.Β Looking back now as far as my childhood, I cannot remember a time where I did not have the tendency to overthink and worry excessively about anything and everything. There was this one occasion as a child, I was walking around town with my dad and I happened to smile at someone who walked past. They did not smile back, and it really, really bothered me. I thought I had done something wrong, maybe I wasn’t good enough to be smiled at, or that the stranger did not like me, even though they did not know me. It’s those unhealthy thoughts which start to build up in your mind and can take over on a day to day basis.

GAD is mentally and physically draining, from the moment you wake up it is there bright-eyed and bushy tailed ready to challenge your inner peace with negative thoughts.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder tries to ruin your day, so by midday you would find it easier just to go back to bed and not deal with anything else. It is something that unless you have it, it can be quite hard to understand. Even writing this blog now I feel myself getting anxious. But I don’t think anxiety is talked about enough, so it is important to share my insight and experiences.

For instance, today is a good day for me. Grant has gone back to work and I am enjoying some me time. Pottering around the house, speaking to my mum on the phone and just doing bits and pieces. However, GAD is still not giving me a break. It is there in the back of my mind.

Here are some of the worries, thoughts that have crept in this morning..

  • You should feel ashamed of yourself for staying in bed until 10am.
  • Your in the house, while lots of people are out working hard for a living.
  • You should feel guilty and stupid for not having the confidence to work.
  • You are fat, yet you haven’t got the willpower to do anything about it.
  • Even if you started Slimming World again, you wouldn’t keep to it and would fail and embarrass yourself.
  • Do you know how ugly and disgusting you actually are.
  • You will never be a size 14 again, let alone a 10.
  • You are boring.
  • You have nothing interesting to say.
  • All you have done is a bit of housework today, your so lazy.
  • You are ugly.
  • Your ears are funny.
  • You look horrible with your hair up.
  • Your blemishes on your face look awful.
  • Your so overweight.
  • Why can’t you just get a job.
  • You would be rubbish at anything you go for.
  • You would have nothing good to put on your CV.
  • You have wasted so much time over the years.
  • You are nearly 33, what have you done with your life….
  • You will never amount to anything.
  • Why don’t you just give up.

 

And so on and on it goes.. but you get the picture. This is on a Good day, but still hundreds of negative thoughts will continue throughout the day, until I give in to a nap or sleep tonight. It is like having a bully permanently glued to your shoulders, repeating over and over unkind things to make you feel like shit. As a result you can’t seem to concentrate on anything for too long. You worry you will be a disappointment to everyone around you and your overall drained. (and you haven’t even stepped outside the front door yet..but that’s another story for a different day).

So to all those that suffer with Anxiety.. I feel your pain, it is not as easy as just getting a grip, or pulling yourself together. These irrationally thoughts are a bitch and at the time feel very real. We need to try and be more kind to ourselves, not blame ourselves for something we didn’t ask for. Be proud of your achievements.. however small you think they may be. Do Not compare your life with others (or try not to anyway), We are all on our own unique journey and the one’s who don’t take the time to understand your GAD have the problem, not you.

 

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